


Hardest Part Is Leaving You

by jeonjangmi



Category: PoddGawin, Thai Actor RPF
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Character Death, Established Relationship, M/M, Songfic, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:26:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26298634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonjangmi/pseuds/jeonjangmi
Summary: When he opened his eyes that morning, he knew it was his last. He doesn't know why and if someone asked him to explain, he'd just say his gut feeling said so but he definitely knew it was his last day alive. He still felt like crap as per usual, but at the same time, he felt lighter for the first time in half a year.---Please heed the tags.
Relationships: Podd Suphakorn Sriphothong/Fluke Gawin Caskey
Kudos: 3





	Hardest Part Is Leaving You

**Author's Note:**

> I sincerely apologize for this in advance. I tried thinking of other songs for them but MCR's 'Cancer' was the only thing that came to mind. It would be best to listen to Gawin's cover of that on loop while reading this story.
> 
> Entry for the Pockey! Write On event by @PoddGawinWorld on Twitter.

When he opened his eyes that morning, he knew it was his last. He doesn't know why and if someone asked him to explain, he'd just say his gut feeling said so but he definitely knew it was his last day alive. He still felt like crap as per usual, but at the same time, he felt lighter for the first time in half a year.

It was quite a weird feeling. He knew he'll breathe his last somewhere along the day but he felt freer and happier than ever with a smile creeping up on his extremely dry lips. As hard as it was, he tried sitting up, and with his stirring, the person sleeping beside his bed woke up.

"How are you feeling?" Podd asked while rubbing his eyes and stretching his long limbs. Approaching his bed, he looked up at him with a small smile on his face as he assisted him to sit up properly.

It was the same question every single morning and as he always does, Fluke answered as brightly as he could, "I'm fine."

If it was any other day, those words were just meant to give empty reassurance, but today, he actually meant it. He felt great and liberated even though his body was collapsing on the inside.

"That's great to hear. Do you want water?"

"Yes please."

_Turn away, if you could get me a drink_

_Of water, 'cause my lips are chapped and faded_

"I think today's going to be my last," he dropped as soon as he received the glass that Podd handed him. The glass almost dropped if it weren't for Fluke holding it tightly. Podd visibly froze at his statement and as he took a sip of the water, Fluke patiently waited for the former's reaction. As he put the glass down on his bedside table, Podd finally reached out and held his hands tightly.

It looked like Podd wanted to cry but he knew that if he did, Fluke would just feel even more broken than he already is so he just nodded and gave a sad but understanding smile. They both knew that this was inevitable since Fluke was diagnosed with Stage 4 stomach cancer almost half a year ago.

His symptoms appeared quite early but he thought it was just any other stomach pain caused by indigestion or overeating so he ignored it for a while until the pain was so severe he almost collapsed that a worried Podd immediately rushed him to the hospital. After several tests that day, they found out that his illness was beyond cure and even with treatments, he'd just live a year at most.

The journey wasn't easy, to say the least. They had so many fights in between, especially with Fluke's weakening constitution and changing appearance. He wasn't one to care about how he appeared but changing from a bulky person to someone that's almost skin and bones with hair falling out after every session of chemotherapy just did a number to his mental state that he doesn't know how Podd just endured it all and stayed by his side.

_Now turn away, 'cause I'm awful just to see_

_'Cause all my hair's abandoned my body_

_Oh, my agony, know that I will never marry_

_Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo_

"Baby, be happy, okay? Make sure you'll move on. Promise me," Fluke said meekly as he intertwined their fingers together. He knew he was asking for the impossible but he needed Podd to assure him. Since he knew of his disease, he's been prepared to wither away one day. He has even said his goodbyes to the people around him. Everyone except for one because it was the hardest to part with the man that's always been there beside him from the start. But now that it's really time for him to go, he needed to know that when he leaves, the love of his life would be okay.

When Podd didn't answer, he tugged their intertwined hands, "Promise me? Please?"

Knowing his voice will betray him, Podd just nodded and hugged Fluke's feeble body as tight as he could. It was his last chance to cherish the warmth radiating from his body and unknowingly, he started shedding the tears he tried hard to hold back. They both knew it was going to take him ages to move on but Podd will definitely try to keep his last words.

Feeling the wetness on his shoulder, Fluke felt choked up and he started patting Podd's back for comfort, a gesture that the other also returned. Just like that, they spent a long time just hugging each other and enjoying the comfort of each other's presence for the last time. It wasn't until Podd felt Fluke sagging that he let go and allowed the love of his life to lay down back on the bed.

"I'm tired, baby. I need to rest," Fluke said with a small smile on his face and unshed tears in his eyes. "Goodbye, love?" he added, unsure of what else to say.

"Goodbye, baby. Rest well, okay?" Podd answered, still sobbing silently but he smiled back. Even though it's hard and he's slowly being torn to pieces, he wanted to send Fluke off with a smile on his face. He wanted his smile to be the last image to be engraved in his boyfriend's eyes despite the tears that obviously stained his face.

_That if you say (If you say...) goodbye today (Goodbye today...)_

_I'd ask you to be true (I'd ask you to be true...)_

"I love you. Always. Thank you for everything," Fluke said, almost a whisper as his consciousness started slipping.

"I love you too. To the moon and back. Forever and always. Nothing will change that ever. I love you always, Fluke."

Fluke then nodded and patted Podd's hands that were over his softly before allowing his eyes to close slowly. "Please be happy," he whispered finally before smiling as his eyes shut for the last time, tears at the edge of his eyes finally falling.

_'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you_

_'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you..._

At the last bit of his consciousness, he thought he heard Podd scream in agony and he knew for a fact that it wasn't his imagination. It broke him but even though it's hard, he knew he'll be okay. Someday, the love of his life will be okay and they'll meet again on the other side.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I'm really sorry! I really don't write full-blown angst and major character deaths so I don't know what got into me to write this.
> 
> Also, I feel like the flood of essays made my messy writing even stiffer than it usually is. Hope the P!WO can help me brush up and improve my writing skills so I can share more.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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